HUMOUR @ 30000 FEET

I got down from the taxi and after paying the charges walked towards the entrance of the airport. I showed the e-ticket printout and the relevant documents as ID proof to the security people and went into the main hall of the airport.

I was going to Stockholm and had a transit stop at Vienna and was traveling with my good friend Samba Shivappa. I looked around and started dialing his number. Before I could get connected Samba (we call him Samba as Samba Shivappa is a longer name) was standing in front of me. I scanned him from top to bottom. Samba had come dressed in a formal 3 piece suit with sun glasses.

 I told “Hey Samba looking good man”. I was in a jean and a casual t-shirt.

He replied “Thank you. This is my first journey in a plane”.

“What a way to begin Samba. Your first journey is an international journey” I added.

“If there is a problem in a bus or a train, we can stop it midway and get down. In case of a plane we cannot jump out. I am a bit nervous” he told me.

“Hey come on Samba be practical. A plane is many folds safer than bus or train. The safety measures are very good and you should not have any such apprehensions” I added.

It took about half an hour for us to complete the emigration formalities and we walked to the gate number 15A and sat down on the chairs. Samba told me that he wanted to change to casuals and went to the wash room and changed his dress from 3-piece suit to jeans and t-shirt. He sat down comfortably in the chair next to me.

“I heard that sometimes in mid air the plane starts shaking and it will be very uncomfortable” he asked.

“It is called turbulence and it may happen in mid air and I agree that it will be uncomfortable “I told him.

The conversation went on for about an hour. In between we walked to the nearby coffee shop and had a cup of coffee.

The boarding call was made and we entered the plane and took our seats. Samba sat in the window seat and I sat next to him. The plane took off and few minutes later the dimmed lights became brighter and it was announced that seat belts could be loosened and people could use laptops and other electronic equipments. I loosened the seat belt and looked out of the window. It was pitch dark as the plane had started at 00.35 hrs and nothing was visible outside.

Soon the air hostesses started serving drinks. I looked at Samba and said “Have a peg man. You can have a pleasant sleep”. He took one glass of whiskey from the air hostess and started drinking. I had asked for white wine. Samba looked at me and said “what about groundnuts?”. I laughed and told him that  groundnuts will not be served in mid air. The air-hostess was preparing the drink for the person sitting in the next seat. Samba finished his drink fast and anxiously asked her “Madam one more drink please”.

The air-hostess looked at him and said “One at a time. I am serving the person sitting in front of you”. I could not hold my laughter back.

I told him “Samba do not worry. She will give you the drink. You cannot hurry them. They do not do multi tasking as we do back home. They do one task at a time and do it perfectly”. The lady gave him his drink. This was followed by dinner and we went to sleep.

“Coffee sir” the air hostess said. I woke up and saw out of the window. It was early dawn and it was very picturesque. I took one cup of coffee from her. I shook Samba and woke him up. I told him to take coffee.

“Wait I have to go to the wash room” saying so he went to the wash room. He came back and sat on his seat. The clouds lined by the orange rays of the sun appeared very beautiful. Samba looking out of the window with folded hands started chanting some mantras. After his prayers he looked at me.

“Gods live in the clouds. Have you not read about it and seen in movies?” he added.

The breakfast was served and after finishing it we started drinking coffee. Suddenly the plane encountered turbulence. It was a bit severe and Samba could not hold his coffee cup tight and coffee fell on his jeans. I looked at Samba. He looked shit scared. He closed his eyes and I kept my arm on his shoulder to give him strength. The turbulence stopped and Samba asked me “you told me in the airport that they will announce in the plane before turbulence but this time they did not”.

I replied “It is called CAT or Clear Air Turbulence which generally happens when the plane in cruising between 23000 – 39000 feet. The frequency of CAT has increased due to Global Warming.

Anyway you are 30000 feet closer to God. Do not worry if anything happens mid way you can go to God faster” I told him. Samba was not amused by my answer.

The air hostess announced that we would be landing in Vienna in about 15 minutes. We fastened the seat belts.

The plane landed and on entering the airport I looked at the clock in the airport and adjusted my watch. I told Samba to hurry up as we were late and may miss the connecting flight to Stockholm. When we went to the Gate for departure we found that the plane had left and the next connecting flight was at 2.30 in the noon. The lady at the counter gave us two coupons for breakfast.

We walked through the beautiful airport with Samba posing at every shop and asking me to take a snap with his digital camera. We walked to the nearest restaurant and took the plate and started filling it with items. I took one slice of brown bread and one Croissant with cheese and jam. I looked back and found that Samba had filled his plate with many items. At the counter we handed over the coupons to the lady. She politely told us that for the coupon we would get only two items and we had to pay for the rest of the items. I told her to tell the amount for the extra items Samba had taken. She told me after calculating that the total would be 20 Euro. Immediately Samba went back kept all the items and took only one brown bread piece and one Croissant. I asked him why he did so.

He replied “20 Euro means Rs. 1300. I do not want to pay so much for a breakfast”.

I told him “Samba we should not calculate the amount by converting to Rupees. If we keep doing so we will starve ourselves”.

After breakfast we went back to the Gate from where we were supposed to catch the connecting flight. Samba told me that he wanted to go to wash room. He got up and went. Within a minute he came back.

“Finished so soon” I asked him.

He looked confused. He said “There is something wrong with the toilet. No bucket, no mug, no tap and no water”. I understood and walked up to him and explained how the toilets in Europe would be.

He was not convinced.

He answered “They are so rich and build such good airports. Can they not keep one bucket, mug and a tap with water? It is so costly?”. I had no answer for this.

We took the connection flight to Stockholm and landed there after about two and half hours.

I finished my trip and came back to India. After one year I got a call from Samba on my mobile. He had come to my town. I took my car out and went to the hotel he was staying in. I was happy to meet him and he was talking about our trip to Stockholm via Vienna.

“One year has passed and you have not yet come out of the jet-lag of Stockholm trip” I added.

“ I am getting relocated to Vienna for about 3-4 years. We are doing a project for a bank there” he told. I wished him the best and went back to my office.

3 years passed and I had to go to Vienna to attend a meeting. I was happy that I could meet Samba there. I called him and asked him to come to the airport at Vienna to meet me.  I landed in Vienna airport and after collecting the check-in luggage from the baggage belt I walked out of the main hall towards the entrance. I looked for Samba. I had the image of Samba with well oiled hair and a bulged tummy. To my surprise I saw a totally changed Samba waiting for me. He had a spiky hairstyle, well sculptured body (should have been regular to Gym) and was wearing a t-shirt and a short.

“Hi Samba how you are man” I asked him.

“Call me Sam. I am known as Sam here” He replied.

I was happy to note that my friend Samba had transformed himself to Sam within couple of years.

I wanted to know about the availability of the local Sim card for my mobile. 

Sam took me to a help desk and started speaking to the lady in German and asked

 “wo wir lokale SIM-Karte kaufen?”.

I was amazed as Sam was talking in German comfortably.

  We went to the counter and bought the local Sim card. We started walking towards the parking area. 

 “You have picked up good German Sam” I asked him.

 “I have been living here for about three years” he replied. “In this airport?” I questioned. 

Sam stopped and  said “ I meant I have been living for three years in Vienna and not in the airport”. 

Laughing heartily we both proceeded towards the parking area.